BFF Productions

Today I had an epiphany and I never have those so, I guess you could say I surprised myself. Quick back-story- I’m 29 strikingly beautiful with an extraordinary personality. J/k I don’t talk like that, because that would make me a monster, I am fine, cute, whatever you call someone who isn’t a hot mess. So, I started to wonder why so late in the game I was getting social anxiety. I never want to go to parties, even parties with people I love and admire. I didn’t even want to go to dinners, I was starting to turn down invites to enjoy food, something was up. Guys, I’ve been avoiding everyone for almost a year now, I just realized that today. Realizing your actions, is such a sign of being a grownup and in this version a very disturbed grownup. I wasn’t avoiding people because I hate myself or wish I could lose 30 pounds, I do wish all those things, but no it was worse. I have been behaving like some Sex in the City article ( I don’t love Sex in the City guys, sorry, she bugged. Great, now everyone hates me here)- I was avoiding people because I didn’t want to be asked my least favorite questions are “Are you dating someone?”

“Are you dating someone?”  I’m not the kind of girl to be boy crazy or have fleeting crushes, I like someone maybe once a year, seriously once a year! We don’t need to get into why that is or what I could do to make that change, it is what is. But, for some reason me not “dating” someone or having a “crush” on someone shocks people. It like, really upsets them. People will grill me for hours, or then try and give me encouraging solutions to make me feel better. I have even had people do prayers for me to meet someone (my mom). But wait, I don’t feel bad. Why are they trying to make me feel bad about this? There is this sense of shame girls are supposed to feel about being single that I just don’t get. I don’t want to upset anyone but the truth is I’m super happy. Can I joke around about no boys every liking me? Or how I guess I just have to become a surrogoate to a loving lesbian couple who then will take me in as their nanny? Yes, I can because they are jokes people, jokes. 

I haven’t met someone “special” not because I’m not doing something right or I’m unloveable, it’s because it just hasn’t happened. I also, hate when people say “you need to put youself out there.” Put yourself out where? where is this place that I should be and also, don’t be so bossy, that’s my thing.  My cousin told me something really sweet the other day when I was complaining to her that I think my mom probably thinks I am a lesbian, but like, a bad lesbian who doesn’t even get girls. She said ” I think you haven’t met your husband because he isn’t ready for you yet or you aren’t ready for him.” We then came up with all these fun scenarios of where my husband is right now. I decided he is engaged to someone he has been with for 5 years and wants to end it but isn’t sure, but they share a dog. But, he also hates dogs, so it’s super complicated. Anyway, this made me feel much better. It will happen when it happens but for now if you plan on asking me “are you dating anyone?” don’t be surprised when I answer SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH, even you mom! This is a warning.